It's 30 seconds of your life, get over it

So, having failed at getting management to remove the residential stops from my truck, I’m forced to be in people’s neighborhoods from about 5 to 7 in the evening. This unfortunate timing means I am a giant obstacle for people getting home. Nothing is more annoying than almost being at your doorstep after work and not quite being able to reach it, I admit. But I still have to do my job.

When I can, I always leave space for cars to get by, and the incident I’m writing about is no exception. But the street was so narrow that only a compact car could squeeze through. So when cranky guy in a large pick-up pulled up, he was not happy. As I opened my bulk-head door to grab the package, he honked.

Lesson one: Honking is ok, there are actually times I don’t notice you and there may be a way to alleviate your anxiety by moving. However, one short beep will do it, and if I don’t move after that, you’re out of luck. Any subsequent honking will be ignored, and serve only the purpose of pissing everyone else off as you blow off steam.

This particular honk I ignored because in order to move out of his way, I would have had to drive halfway down the block which was too far from my delivery point.

As I exited my vehicle, he exited his.

“You can’t do that. You can’t block the street.”

“I didn’t, Sir, there’s space there for cars to get by.”

“There sure isn’t.” He pulled out his cell phone and started taking pictures. By this time, I had already placed the package on the customer’s porch and was halfway back to my truck.

“Taking pictures of the space I left?”

“I’m getting proof. I have your license plate number, too, and I will talk to your supervisor.”

“Go right ahead sir,” I told him as I stepped in.

“Oh, I will.”

The entire stop lasted maybe—maybe—a minute, but probably, more like 45 seconds.

Lesson 2: I didn’t park here just to piss you off, in fact, I never knew you existed.

If that 45 seconds of inconvenience is worth another 15 minutes of listening to recordings and being on hold with the customer service department only find out the company has no way for him to download his photos, nor does he get to speak directly with my supervisor, who am I to judge. Just about all he can do with those photos now is post them on his blog so that someone out there knows just what kind of injustice he has to put up with in the world.

His friends will rally around him and express indignation and outrage on his behalf, and I have another silly story about a petty motorist who has no appreciation for the job I do. So clearly, the benefits are mutual and seemingly endless, but this is not why I blocked the road. If I never double parked, I would never finish my day. It’s 30 seconds, get over it.

Lesson 3: You don’t fool me.

This wronged man was probably bluffing. He’ll realize it’s not worth his time to actually complain. I’ve seen it before. I once had a guy act like he was calling Big Brown right then and there to complain. After five seconds on the phone he started yelling into his phone, “Your driver is blocking the street and says she’ll stay there as long as she wants!”

Here, even though I knew he couldn’t be talking with a live person so quickly unless he actually had my supervisor’s cell phone on speed dial, I had to correct him, “No sir, I said I would be here as long as it takes, not as long as I want.” Then he gave up the pretext of complaining to the company to scream at me some more.

The point is, I know 99% of people who threaten to call, won’t

Lesson 4: You don’t scare me.

The following is what happens when someone calls in a complaint:
i) Angry person talks to a customer service rep who pretends to care.
ii) Customer service rep types out concern on computer, and sends it to appropriate management team
iii) Management team prints out concern and either calls me into the office and says, “Did this happen?” and I say, “I don’t recall.” And they say, “Well we just wanted to bring it to your attention.” And I say, “Ok.” Or, they simply place the concern on my clip, I read it, and then throw it out.

So, be my guest and call.