Welcome

I work for a package delivery company that shall remain nameless. I start this blog not in the hopes of losing my job, but because many silly stories are created everyday in my line of work, and quite frankly, it’s selfish not to share them with the broader public. There are many ways I would change my job if I were able to make the decisions for the company (and maybe one day, I’ll write about that), but over all, the line of work I’m in suits me well. It keeps me active and I get to drive around a big truck. That makes me really cool. Just ask any five-year-old.

Being a package delivery driver puts me in a unique position. I make people happy, and piss people off by the hundreds everyday. I am not the only person with opinions on how my job could best be done. Just about everybody has opinions on how I could best do my job. People are so helpful with their suggestions. I give each one special consideration. So keep those suggestions coming, and I’ll be sure to broadcast your opinions loud and clear here on my blog so everyone can judge for themselves.

For instance, parking. People are extremely passionate about their opinions in regards to parking. Certainly getting blocked in by a delivery driver is enough to raise anyone’s sense of injustice, but I’ve even had comments given when I’m parked well out of people’s way.

A woman around the age of 70, once walked halfway across a shopping plaza parking lot to say, “You shouldn’t be taking up so many spaces!”

I laughed, thinking this was a joke, but then I saw the look on her face, and it wasn’t friendly.

“Are you kidding?” I asked. I was straddling two spots, and the tail of my truck extended into the two spots behind me.

“No, it’s terrible the way you guys [keep in mind I’m not a guy] take up so much space.”

I looked around and saw at least 100 empty spots surrounding my truck. I laughed again, this time clearly not with her, but at her.

“There’s nobody out here except me and you.”

“You only need one spot.” She held up her finger for me to count. “Just one!” Then she stomped off to the grocery store secure in the knowledge that her good deed was done for the day. She had continued the long and hard fought struggle for parking equality.

Now, let’s give her opinion the special consideration that it deserves. Considering the tail of my truck was already hanging over the line behind the spots I occupied, two spots would at least be needed. The parking spots were not compact, so one spot would have worked for the width of my truck, but let’s just say suddenly the parking lot filled up and the two spots on either side and across the lane became occupied. Suddenly there would not be room for me to pull out without causing significant damage to at least one of the cars around me. Trucks swing wide. She must have spent her whole life not paying attention to the physics of truck motion including not ever reading any of the signs that are sometimes posted on the backs of semis that say, “Truck makes wide turns.”

So for practical reasons, I needed to straddle two spots, and for material reality, I needed to occupy the two behind me. It turns out the woman’s logic was indeed flawed. We guys do not only need one spot. Given that, together with the fact that it didn’t matter because the lot was empty surrounding my truck, it turns out she’s not only wrong, but fighting a battle that makes absolutely no difference to anyone. The only conclusion I can come to is perhaps she’s trying to kill herself by artificially raising her blood pressure to cause a heart attack.

Funnily enough, this is just one (imagine me holding up my finger for you to count) of hundreds of stories that I have about confrontations over parking. In fact, there have been times I thought my life was in danger because of the ire raised in some good Samaritans from being blocked in by my truck. Or their driveway being blocked. Or an empty parking spot that they would like to occupy is blocked. Or they perceive their car/driveway/parking spot is blocked. But those stories must wait for another day.